Daily Planet Headlines
by Two-Eyed Charlie
Summary: "The Daily Planet is a daily, editor-free newspaper proudly serving the Metropolis area and abroad since the last time our building was destroyed by Darkseid. Comments are free."
1. Chapter 1

**Me: "Hey, Other me."**

 **Other me: "Yeah?"**

 **Me: "You know what would be a good idea?"**

 **Other me: "Not talking to yourself?"**

 **Me: "Not that."**

 **Other me: "Ok, what then?"**

 **Me: "Blending real-world happenings with comic book superheroes in a newspaper format!"**

 **Other me: "You're a fucking dumbass."**

 **Me: "Hey fuck you man!"**

 **...I don't know where this is going...**

* * *

 _ **Wayne Entertainment to Buy-Out Daily Planet**_

 **By: Lois Lane**

METROPOLIS- Business magnate and billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne has announced his intention to buy-out Galaxy Entertainment's remaining shares of Planet Incorporated, a deal that will see the paper added to a growing list of brands.

"The Daily Planet is a well respected paper filled with highly competent staff, even Jimmy" he told reporters. "I look forward to working with everyone to create the best paper possible."

As part of the deal, Mr. Wayne has promised a large influx of capital into the paper's budget in the hopes of upgrading, or replacing, any outdated or decrepit equipment that the paper is saddled with. Though neither the billionaire nor his companies Chief Financial Officer have confirmed a set amount, Mr. Wayne assured staff members that he had the paper's best interests at heart.

"People will be getting a hefty pay raise when this deal goes through," he stated in his press release. "Except for Jimmy; Peter Parker gets half of what he's paid and yet manages to avoid getting captured or falling down holes on a regular basis."

Perry White, the Planet's Editor-in-Chief, has been indifferent to the change of management.

"He's a rich, pompous jackass, but so long as he lets me print papers the way they ought to be printed, I wouldn't even care if he punted Jimmy from the top floor onto a bed of knives."

Other staff members have had conflicting reactions to the news. Clark Kent denied comment, mumbling something about "biting the hand that feeds [him]", while political columnist Ron Troupe, when approached, expressed concern at some of the technology being shipped into the building.

"Some of it seems like it's straight out of Star Trek. I'm talking massive computer monitors, AI databanks, something that looks like you'd store weapons in it. Could have sworn I saw a giant, bat-shaped laser canon getting hauled up to the roof too. Makes me jittery."

The deal is to be finalized by Wednesday as each company's lawyers pour over the contracts. In the meantime, the Planet will operate as normal, while Lex Luthor continues to have a very public hissy fit about Mr. Wayne "pissing in his backyard."

 _Lois Lane is a two-time Pulitzer Prize winning reporter, a National Book Award winning author, and in another universe is currently having her character bastardized by DC's Editorial Team._

* * *

 **Honest question; is Ron Troupe even in the New 52? Because the guy was pretty awesome, so it'd be just like the New 52 to cut him out or make him some whiney ass-hat...**


	2. Chapter 2

**DC blah blah owns shit blah blah don't sue blah**

* * *

 _ **DC Comics To Approach Mephisto For Aid**_

 **By: Clark Kent**

After learning that yet another month will go by with Marvel utterly dominating the comic sales charts, DC Executives Dan DiDio and Jim Lee have expressed interest in forming a partnership with the Marvel Demon Mephisto, sources near to the company have said.

Diamond Comics recently released the sales numbers for the month of October, where Marvel pulled in an impressive 43.65% share of all market dollars in addition to a 48.26% unit share. DC, by comparison, only managed a 21.85% dollar share and a 22.92% unit share. No DC published comics made it into the top 10, even the consistently selling Batman comics by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo, which routinely sell in excess of 110,000 copies.

DC has confirmed that the numbers are worrying, especially given that they are merely the latest in a downward trend for the company, which lost nearly $2 million dollars alone in the month of August. As such, DC's parent company Warner Brothers has authorized Burbank's request to instigate "Plan M".

"We didn't want it to come to this," says Co-Publisher Dan DiDio. "But desperate times, desperate measures, all that stuff."

"We'd try firing employees," adds Jim Lee, "but I need at least four people on coffee detail if I'm actually going to be forced to draw stuff, and there's only so many women we can fire before we have to start throwing the men out too, and that can't be allowed to happen."

Plan M is purportedly inspired by the Marvel Comics storyline "One More Day", where Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, a rare and bona fide happy married superhero couple, sacrificed their marriage and their fans faith in the company to the demon Mephisto, who promptly erased several terrible events from Peter's life and restored the book to a new-yet-familiar status quo. DC Comics is hoping the demon will do the same for them.

"The way we see it, the reason we're lagging behind in sales is because the fans don't understand what's good for them," DC Editor Bob Harras told reporters, "so what we're hoping to do is to get Mephisto to either forcefully mind-wipe the fans Dr. Rap-I mean Light style until they remember how to love us again, or in the worst case scenario, just consume them and leave their wallets free to be picked up by DC employees. Either way works."

Mephisto hasn't made his demands public yet, but sources close to the demon seem to hint that a simple marriage won't suffice, since DC currently doesn't have a relationship worth speaking for at the moment.

"He would have been happy with Mera and Arthur's marriage, but DC managed to destroy that themselves," one of Mephisto's spokes-demons said. "And really, Mephisto doesn't want to touch anything with terrible rape overtones. We may be from hell but we're not monsters."

 _The Has DC Done Something Stupid Today Institute,_ the leading think tank dedicated to analysing DC's labyrinthine decisions, believes that DC's most likely course of action will involve the sacrifice of every first born child in the Burbank Area, but also warn that this move may be ultimately costly with no direct benefit to sales.

"Batman's dead but also a god, they're recycling JMS's crappy Superman storyline, Wonder Woman's book is still utter crap, and no one knows what the fuck is going on with everyone else," the Institute's President said. "Best thing they could do now is stop beating around the bush and just release a porno magazine staring Harley Quinn, since they're already 98% of the way there anyways."

"Or they could just reboot the franchise," he added with a disgusted snicker. "DiDio's only gone about 4 months since his last reboot fix, why consult the denizens of hell when we all know that's just what they'll do anyways?"

November's sales won't be released until the middle of December, but most people are well equipped enough to notice trends when they appear. If not, then there may be future positions in DC Comics available to you, so long as you can neither draw nor write.

 _Clark Kent is an award winning reporter, a published author, and spends most of his day making oddly specific denials about him and Superman not being the same person._

* * *

 ***All research done online, which means yes, those are the real sales numbers. Sucks doesn't it?***


	3. Chapter 3

**DC Comics: the venereal disease that just keeps on trucking...**

* * *

 _ **Batman vs Superman Fan Poll Results: Wonder Woman the Victor**_

 **By: Lois Lane**

The Pew Research Center, in an effort to embody the Balance Fallacy far less than it currently does, has concluded it's first annual "Superhero Poll" as of 2:00 last night. The poll was designed to solve the immortal question, "Who is the better Superhero: Batman or Superman?" once and for all.

To the surprise of no one with any taste, Wonder Woman handily received the most amount of votes. The President of the organization, Michael Dimock, told reporters that her total number of received votes may be in excess of ten times the combined totals of either of the male superheroes.

"I don't think I've ever seen a poll this one sided before," he said during a press conference. "I mean, the only one I can think of off the top of my head is 'do you like ice cream and free orgies?', which understandably many people do. But this...well we were all expecting a bit tighter of a race."

The path to victory was not easy for Wonder Woman, who wasn't even included in the initial draft of the questionnaire. However many recipients, instead of answering either "A" for Superman or "B" for Batman, scribbled a third option, "C for Wonder Woman", at the bottom of the forum.

"Normally that's just counted as a spoiled ballot," the president added, "but considering how more than 90% of the people we talked to did this, we're kind of forced to consider this a definitive verdict."

DC Comics, who sponsored the poll, originally insisted that Wonder Woman be excluded from all popularity polls, due to her understandably dominant position in the psyche of American pop culture.

"It's just not fair to the other superheroes," writer Meredith Finch told reporters. "You can find Wonder Woman almost everywhere you go; movies, games, TV shows, pretty much everything. DC's done everything in their power to try and make sure other heroes get the spotlight sometimes, especially the other members of the Trinity, but it's just not working. I actually kind of feel bad for Batman and Superman; I'm not even sure they have fans anymore, they're just known as 'Wonder Woman's boyfriends' now."

When asked it her award winning and critically acclaimed writing of the character had anything to do with the characters dominance, Meredith humbly sidestepped the question.

"I can't say. But I do think my amazing editors should shoulder a lot of the praise. The Superman Editorial Office is a very safe, productive environment to work in and is totally not filled with molesters of any kind."

A similar poll, dedicated to finding America's most hated superhero, is expected to be released tomorrow. However most experts and fans have already predicted that Aquaman will take the title handily, especially since he's reportedly the only hero on the list.

"I'm sorry but, he just talks to fish," stated a passionate fan. "Martian Manhunter can do that too, except he doesn't need a stupid orange scale shirt to do it. Why isn't his wife in the Justice League? She's way better!"

 _Lois Lane is the author of the award winning book "Corruption on Pennsylvania Avenue" and is currently trying to bribe a guard into letting her out of the DCU and into Scott Snyder's Image Comics universe, where-despite the presence of Lovecraftian horrors not fit for human imagination-she'll likely be better treated._

 _We at the Daily Planet wish her the best of luck._

 _-Editor in Chief Perry White_

* * *

 **Do you want Lois to succeed in her quest for freedom? Call 1-800-HELP-HER! to donate now.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This may be out of place here, but my sympathises go out to anyone in Paris or the country of France as a whole who may read this. I hope you and your loved ones are safe and accounted for.**

* * *

 _ **At the Movies: Justice League: War-Review**_

 **By: The Ghost of Roger Ebert**

Before seeing this movie, I was given some sort of plastic gun by a man wearing a brown fedora. He said it would help with the source material. As of writing, I still have no clue what he was talking about, but if he meant that I'd need help understanding the comics this movie was based on, I think his faith could stand to be a bit stronger. I've been reading comics for decades, hell Gene and I were both _in_ a comic (Joker killed us if you were wondering). I know my comics. I know my comics movies.

And sir or madam, _this_ is not a comic book movie. It's a collection of moving pictures desperately trying to destroy our collective will to live with horrid pacing, even more horrid dialogue, and a collection of characters who might as well be straight out of the tainted bowels of the spiked shoulder-pouch overflowing-manly man grimacing black spot that is the 90's. I hemorrhaged self respect (and likely brain cells) during this 80 minute assault on my senses, all in the hopes that I could stand before you today and implore you to turn away, even burn your DVD player, in order to prevent _Justice League: War_ from ever entering your home.

The film is an adaption of the opening arc of DC's then recently rebooted _Justice League_ comic, with the original story being written by Geoff Johns after he suffered permanent brain damage in a fall. The script then is more tainted by original sin than a Catholic pedophile, resulting in cringe worthy (at best) and arguably satanic (at worst) dialogue that wouldn't be out of place in an Uwe Boll travesty. The infamous "You're Strong" line and following bit of dialogue is so amateurish and pathetic that it makes me think I've made a horrible mistake and accidentally paid $20 to see a couple of Junior High Students butcher Disney's _Hercules_ , and yet that's not even the _worst_ line in the movie.

This ultimately stems from the complete and utter unlikeability of _any_ of the characters, besides perhaps Steve Trevor, who I consistently felt bad for. Not because anything particularly bad happens to his character beyond the fact that he's in this movie, but he was played by George Newbern, the man who voiced Superman in Bruce Timm's _Justice League_ series that might as well be considered a mixture of animations _Citizen Kane_ and the Second Coming of Christ compared to this film. Neither he nor the punching bag supporting character of DC's go to punching bag deserved to be here, they've done nothing wrong. Characters like Wonder Woman are portrayed as blathering, sword waving morons or psychopaths (depending on the frame); Superman, the pinnacle of hope and goodness in not just DC, but ALL superhero communities, is reduced to a bulky douche who fights his own allies on a whim; Captain Marvel disservices all actual 12 year olds by acting like his mother tried to drown him in a hot tub, and Green Lantern...what the hell happened to you Hal?Name me one good character in this picture, and I'll be able to find the Holy Grail.

Doesn't matter; the characters bicker, punch, and bullshit their way through the plot as though someone was supposed to bring a map and subsequently flushed it down the toilet, and the first third-to-half of the movie is filled with most of the heroes punching one another, ostensibly to show that "they don't always get along" or maybe they're "dark and edgy, and filled with differing opinions". I'll humour that pedantic excuse only to retort by saying that there's a difference between bickering and acting like a satire of superhero teams, and this movie lands on the wrong side of that spectrum with none of the intent to make it work. I wouldn't trust this league to save a cat from a three foot box, let alone the world from one of the League's most powerful enemies )who appears to be suffering Villain Decay right off the bat this time).

The animation is horrendous. Most characters look blocky, like they're all fighting a losing battle against a mass of tumors forming on their chest and arms. This may very well be a stylistic choice, similar to the idea that character mouths don't have to necessarily move when the character is talking (I assume this makes it easier for the internet to abridge the film, since I'm sure that most youtubers have more film experience than the people who actually worked on this movie), but if all this is a stylistic choice, it needs to be seriously re-evaluated. And fast.

The direction during the action scenes is where the movie shines the most, but the scenes in question are so hollow, so empty of any meaning, tension, or emotion besides "look at the pretty explosions daddy!" that they're utterly wasted. They're tiny little nuggets of adequacy smattered throughout a sea of mediocrity or outright incompetence, which contrary to common economic knowledge, does not in fact make them more valuable. If anything, it makes the film more frustrating, because there exists an inkling of quality filmmaking lurking in the back, shadowed by so much raw sewage.

The voice actors themselves were hit or miss, mostly a miss, though again this film risks being compared to the far superior DCAU, who might as well start running classes on voice casting (interestingly, Andrea Romano worked on both). Jason O'Mara seems to anticipate being compared to the giant that is Kevin Conroy and as such seems content to coast through the 80 minute run time, while Michelle Monogaghan, Alan Tudyk, and the rest of the cast can't break past the scripts idiocy. Most of Justin Kirk's lines were cringeworthy but at the very least delivered with enough snark to make them interesting, while Christopher Gorham may be the lone star in the films otherwise dull casting. Steve Blum plays the villain, and does so with a voice modifier so overbearing that you could replace him with any other voice actor and the result would be the same. This is most likely because the filmmakers realized, far too late, that Mr. Blum, despite being very talented, is not fit to play the type of character he was cast as.

 _Justice League: War_ has nothing going for it. It's a slogfest, both in run time and action on screen, and it's writing is of such amateurish quality that one wonders if DC didn't force this adaption down the pipeline despite the sludge it was sure to bring with it. The animation has taken a severe backstep even since the last major film Flashpoint (another atrocious film), and all other components are either ghosting through the run time or completely absent, such as the music, normally a high point of DC films, and yet here little more than your generic action soundtrack.

The intended audience, I presume, is for people who already enjoyed the original storyline and want to spend extra cash on a version that moves. If that's the case, then I'm sure this movie more than filled those requirements. For those of us that like to think that animation can so day be considered just as legitimate an art form as literature or music, I think this is the type of work we'll need to kick under the rug when the snobs come rummaging around.

If I could thumbs down this movie any harder than I already am, I'd likely burrow into the centre of the earth. Which is fine by me; at least the movie can't find me down there.

Score: 0.5 out of 4 stars.

 _Roger Ebert became the first film critic to win a Pulitzer Prize for Criticism, is the author of the best seller "_ Your Movie Sucks" _and was probably better than you in every single way._

 _Sorry._

* * *

 **Ebert: the original TV Tropes.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh I'm sure this is a good idea. Naturally.**

 **What could go wrong?**

* * *

 _ **Donald Trump Backtracks on Seeking Superman Endorsement**_

 _By: Clark Kent_

METROPOLIS-Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump has reversed his position on seeking Superman's endorsement, sources near to the billionaire have revealed.

In previous months, the GOP frontrunner had been aggressively lobbying for a meeting with Superman to discuss their vision of America and hopefully secure a positive nod from the superhero in the process. Analysts and political scientists agreed that a positive endorsement from the world's most visible champion would have effectively handed the East Coast and it's delegates to Trump, providing his campaign with a possibly unbeatable edge over his opponents. The campaign made this a point of great importance early on, with Trump stating mere minutes after announcing his candidacy that Superman "was great. He's great. I love everything about him, I really do. The guy's got power, he uses it. He has the best powers. He's great."

However, according to a vague and shifting blob of pink and orange claiming to be his son, Mr. Trump will no longer be perusing an endorsement.

"In light of new information, we feel it's best to distance ourselves from this so-called "Man of Steel," it told reporters.

Neither Donald Trump nor his campaign staff would elaborate on what caused this change of heart, but sources speculate that it may have something to do with an old interview, conducted by Lois Lane, where the Man of Steel stated he was born not in America, but "on a planet called Krypton". Trump, who has laced his campaign rhetoric with stinging indictments against immigrants and certain types of foreigners, would likely balk at receiving an endorsement from one.

"He doesn't like them, or at least that's what he tries to make as clear as possible politically," says Dr. Cam Sky, the Chomsky Professor of Political Science at the University of Metropolis. "So getting an endorsement from someone who is not only not ashamed to be from somewhere other than America, but who likely arrived here without any documentation, would be just one contradiction too many for his supporters. Their heads might literally explode under the strain, and you can't get elected with a voter-base that's in a coma."

Dr. Sky's Colleague, Dr. Joe Shuster, offered a complimentary explanation.

"Trump may be trying to downplay the fact that Superman is an immigrant-and an illegal one at that-as much as possible. Having the world's most popular and heroic figure end up being the antithesis to everything you've based your campaign on would deny Trump much of the borderline-insane vote, something he desperately needs if he's going to beat the Zodiac Killer once the Republican National Convention rolls around."

Superman has actively condemned Donald Trump, calling him "everything I fight against" and "arguably a bigger threat to the planet than Darkseid." A campaign aimed at distancing Superman from the GOP candidate, funded by Bruce Wayne and organized by Themysciran Ambassador and fellow hero Diana of Themyscira, has been ongoing since the road to the 2016 election began. In addition to aggressive television spots, slogans including "In an alternate universe I fought against Hitler. In this universe, I fight against Trump too" and "Holy shit, no fucking way do I support that guy" have been included on pamphlets distributed by Superman supporters in Metropolis and the surrounding area.

"We hope this will make our position very clear," Diana stated.

The Trump campaign released counter-statements attacking the slogans and their organizers, arguing that Bruce Wayne "is too rich to understand what us normal, everyday Americans want."

"And don't get me started on Wonder Woman," Trump said during a rally. "I mean just look at where she's from-Themyscira. She's a Themysciran. Not only is she not American, but she's got the word "Iran" right there in her countries name, and Iran is the bad guys, right? Am I right? Vote for me and I'll beat the shit out of Superman. I will. I swear to god, I'll beat the shit out of Superman. I'll do it."

 _Clark Kent is an award-winning reporter, and is currently looking at housing prices in Canada lest the November elections go the wrong direction._

* * *

 **Let the hate flow over me!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi there. Um...**

 **So as a heads up, I don't anticipate writing anything Justice League related for...an indefinite period of time. Truth be told, I'm just plumb-tuckered out when it comes to superheroes. My interests have moved on to other things that have a strangle-hold on my attention, and with school moving into the more...erm, shall we say, "terrifying" phase, I just don't have the inclination nor the inspiration to write anything involving DC characters. Or Marvel characters, but frankly I didn't have that to begin with.**

 **Anyways, I'll still be around, working on some stuff that involves the new sources of my attention, so if you want to drop a line feel more than free too. But...yeah, no more DC stuff from me.**

 **Except for this: I've kinda wanted to do something like this for a while.**

* * *

 _ **Letters to the Editor**_

 _ **What the hell does Green Lantern even do?**_

Dear Daily Planet,

I'm curious. I'm legitimately curious. What exactly does he do? Why is he considered a hero?

Because all I see from TV is him running around with a giant green boxing glove and maybe like a machine gun and every time he tries to use it some joker with like flaming pumpkins for powers manages to sucker him a good one. There's a dude running around in his Robin Hood PJ's with a bow and arrow and even he doesn't get knocked down as much.

My son's five and even he thinks that's super lame.

Much love,

 _Jamie Delreo, Mission City._

 **###**

 ** _Think of the Children!_**

Dear Godless sodomites.

I can't help but notice that you support Wonder Woman. I think that's a big mistake. I know that's a big mistake. Her costume is atrocious and her politics are even worse. Can you imagine the mindless anarchy that would follow if other women followed in her footsteps? If _young_ women followed in her footsteps?

Thinking for herself, standing up to the traditions that have kept this country fair and safe since the 1860's, speaking her mind - it's all claptrap. It's all horrible. Her legs are far too skinny and yet her breasts are far too big. She makes a mockery of the very important social institutions that good, God-fearing Christians have sworn to uphold.

If she's so special, then she could clearly be a _Wonder_ in the kitchen, without all the harmful pollutants she's putting in the heads of our youths.

Burn in Hell,

 _Phyllis Schlafly, proud MRA and mother of the founder of Conservapedia._

 **###**

 _ **Superhero Tax**_

Dear Daily Planet Editors,

I was thinking the other day and I came up with this really cool solution to our budget problems! Hear me out - superheroes gotta be pretty wealthy, right? Cuz, like, they can afford all these cool planes and space stations and stuff. So that means they got a bunch of money, like rich people, right?

So if rich people don't wanna pay taxes, what if we just tax superheroes instead? Cuz, like, these guys are supposed to be the good guys, right? So they'd, like, understand that we need hospitals and schools and roads and, like, I donno, battleships and stuff, right? So they shouldn't complain or move to Ireland, right?

I mean, it probably wouldn't hurt them too much. I mean, they use the hospital a lot, right? Or, like, they put people in the hospital a lot, so obviously they'd know that we need good hospitals cuz otherwise all those bad-guys would die after Superman throws them in the ocean or whatever and then they wouldn't be good guys anymore if they killed anyone. Right?

I think it's a good idea! I keep calling my Congressman but he's never in, so I want you guys to know about it!

Thanks for the comics in the back,

 _Brian Garret, Metropolis._

 **###**

 ** _I was frozen today!_**

So I live in Gotham City and we've got this freeze guy that has ice as a power or something and so I was walking down the street trying to get to a doctors appointment because I have high blood pressure and that's not a good thing when you drive and armoured car because people keep trying to rob us and anyways I was walking down the street and I started feeling really cold which is weird because it's July and it's really warm in Gotham when it's July and so I was kind of freaking out since they say that you get really cold when you have a heart attack and my doctor told me that high blood pressure can give you a heart attack and I didn't want that so I panicked and started shivering and then I realized I was shivering because my feet were frozen to the pavement and I couldn't go anywhere and the ice was climbing up my legs and I looked over and there was Mr. Freeze he was huge and he had his gun out and he was pointing it at me and he was like "Stay cool - I don't need any hotblooded younglings messing up my take" and then he blasted his way into the jewelry store and took a whole bunch of nice looking jewels and necklaces and stuff and the ice kept climbing up my body and I was getting really nervous because you can't breathe in ice and then he came out and said "Stay frosty - I can feel the Bat on his way" and I was hoping he wasn't lying because I was really starting to panic and so then he went away on an ice bridge he shot out of his gun and then some cops came and defrosted me because Batman was busy and I got out alright but it was really scary let me tell you.

Anyways I just wanted to tell someone this because no one believes me they all say stupid stuff like "there is no Mr. Freeze" or "what the hell? Batman's just a comic book character" and "you don't live in Gotham City you idiot, you live in New York!" so it gets kind of lonely when no one believes me. But I'm all warm now, thanks for asking.

Your friend,

 _Chris from Gotham._

 **###**

 _ **Booster Gold doesn't get enough credit**_

Look, I'm just sayin' - the guy's pretty cool. Sure he doesn't have the exposure of the Big Guns or whatever, but that's because his prime is still years away baby! I can tell, trust me - the Booster Gold we have now is just the tip of the Booster Gold Iceberg. When the future comes, ho boy, we're all gonna look to Booster like we look to Jesus!

So what I'm sayin is that we ought to maybe, I donno, just let him know a little bit more how we appreciate him _now,_ so that when he's flooded by fan-mail and propositions for baby's he can still hear all the little people. I mean, he's out there savin our butts day in day out - I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

Always happy to speak for Booster,

 _Micahael Jon Carter_

* * *

 **Welp, that's it folks - last Justice League story for me. Um, sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to make a big deal of this - I'm honestly not. I just didn't want to disappear from the Justice League section without saying that I really appreciate you guys reading my stories and sticking with my evolution as a writer. I still suck a big one, but hey - at least I don't use semi-colons anymore!**

 **But yeah, thanks for all the fish guys. Hope you all had a great New Years (probably not because 2017 is going to be a dark-as-shit year, but whatever), and if you wanna still keep a look out for some of my other stories, that'd be awesome.**

 **Mmm...ok, I feel like I'm still making a big deal about this. So...sorry, that wasn't my attention. Just wanted to say thanks in a collective sort of way to the people that have been following me since I started writing seriously.**

 **As they say, then - keep your stick on the ice.**


End file.
